broken.

My heart has been heavy recently. Life is catching up to me and its been hurting me in ways I wish I could stop. 

That's where lessons come in. Don't you know there is always a lesson? It's not life if there isn't. 

I go through some great moments, when I am happier than I have ever been. In the midst of those moments I can't help but think that something bad is going to happen soon because it usually does. That isn't me being negative about a situation, that's just the way that life has always worked out. I know why it happens and sometimes I don't trust that theres a reason behind it (I'm so cliche right now that i am actually cringing). 

I have been breaking, slowly as my anxiety and depression creep back up, until I reach the point where I am broken. God has broken me down so that I can turn back to him. 

At the beginning of the school year, I felt closer to God than I had in a long time. I was ready. I didn't feel like my relationship was straying like I normally feel it to, but recently, my mind has been longing for more and more of this world which in turn, makes my heart turn from the one that gives me my very life. He breaks us until our only option is to turn back to him. 

I am searching for validation, for value, for everything in the wrong place and I forget that He is the one who gives me value, who is love, who gives me identity, who gives me the very breath of life.